Minimum requirements

I have had a discussion with a few friends lately about the topic of intense competition that turns both college-age children and their parents into emotional wrecks. For the majority who chase impossible odds to get into prestigious institutions like IIT, anything less turns into the first major failure of their young lives, perhaps scarring them forever. For the minority who are asked to choose a career of their liking, the choice is even harder because the path to a fulfilling work life is not laid out like a step by step recipe, particularly if you veer away from the path of "doctor" or "engineer". A few loaded parents then resort to sending their children overseas by paying a heavy price.

I am not sure what Aparna plans to do, considering that we will soon have to pick a path. I am wary of the mind-numbing rat race to become one among a million engineers and doctors, all of whom come out of colleges with degrees, but not an education. A broad exposure at the junior college (plus two) stage might open more avenues but it seems like a child is doomed to decide by the time they are 15 whether they want to pursue a scientific or arts curriculum without truly being given a chance to explore. How about sending her to the US, asked a friend? There is better all-round exposure with more time built into the system to decide a major.

In my mind, to send your teenage child abroad, away from your watchful gaze, to independently pursue a college education requires fulfillment of three minimum criteria - money, motivation and maturity. The first one, I will have to cough up. Even if I don't have the necessary amount, I think that is still something that can be arranged. Motivation lies solely in the child's court. How eager and willing to work is the child? Will she focus on the goal i.e. get an education, without being distracted by the freedom and fancy lifestyle? Will she reach deep into her own reserves of values, courage and resourcefulness to survive and thrive in an unfamiliar environment? That depends a lot on maturity, the third criterion. Whose job is it to be responsible? The child's of course. But it is possible that there is a difference in the maturity levels of two children of the same age. Why? I believe that a child's maturity level is a function of two factors, the child's inherent nature and also the parent's approach. I am not sure how I have fared in my part but I have always tried to push the onus of decision-making on Aparna, to let her practice her skills in a variety of situations - should she study or watch TV? birthday party or Blue Cross? pizza or fruit? She doesn't always make the choice that I would like her to but it's OK. The more she decides and takes responsibility for those choices, this iterative approach should help hone her skills. Will it make her more mature? I don't know.

But we have a couple of years to check it out. And then we will decide. About college.