Potpourri - Book Review

I am glad that the first Ruskin Bond book I read is actually a collection of "choicest stories from the treasure trove of the indisputable master story teller." The book features all the styles of writing that Bond is known for - ghost stories, memoir pieces, short stories - filled with love or comedy, poems and traditional tales. And what great fun it is to discover a wonderful new writer, new to me, but one who has stuck to his craft for decades, before finally finding recognition.

The ghost stories, are really short but filled with minimal detail, leaving the rest to the imagination of the reader while igniting that sinking, scared feeling in the pit of your stomach. I particularly enjoyed "Gone Fishing" and "The Overcoat". The love stories "Binya Passes By" and "Love and Cricket" are tenderly narrated. The very short story "Girl on the train" has a twist you just don't see coming while "Eyes of the cat" and "A Face in the Dark" are chilling tales.

The memoir pieces "Escape from Java" and "Our Great Escape" are lovely, told lovingly without pretension. The comedy pieces are real treats, "The Zigzag Walk" and "At Sea with Uncle Ken" being my favorite stories.

This book features the now well-known "Susanna's Seven Husbands", the story that gave the idea for "Saat Khoon Maaf" starring Priyanka Chopra as Susanna. Its not the best story in the book and I can't tell you how the movie compares.

The real gems are the poems and I leave you with one to think about. But not before I insist that you read this book, whether you have read Ruskin Bond before this or not.

"Do You Believe in Ghosts?"

"Do you believe in ghosts?"
Asked the passenger
On platform number three
"I'm a rational man," said I,
"I believe in what I can see-
Your hands, your feet, your beard!"
"Then look again," said he,
And promptly disappeared!

Custody - Book Review

Manju Kapur has been described on the book cover as "the great chronicler of the modern Indian family". I know that she has done that in her previous books, Difficult Daughters and Home. Those books were family sagas, in fact "Home" reminded me of the long-drawn TV serial "Buniyaad" from a couple of decades ago. Custody is her take on contemporary urban Indian life and the shaking of the great institution of the traditional Indian family.

The book is about the disintegration of the marriage of the upwardly mobile Raman Kaushik, rising executive in a global beverage company. His stunningly beautiful wife, Shagun falls for his dynamic boss, Ashok Khanna, ex-pat extraordinaire, sent to rescue the company bottomline in India. The narrative cursorily describes the comfortable marital life of the Kaushiks, blessed with two gorgeous children, 8-year old Arjun and 2-year old Roohi, with extended family of grandparents living within reach but without the suffocating joint-family situation more commonly described in such family tales.

Most of the book is devoted to the years after the discovery of Shagun's infidelity by Raman using a detective agency for proof and the impact of Shagun's leaving, with her kids, to her lover's home. The chaos of the altered domestic scenario is captured realistically through the eyes of young Arjun; the disapproving but silent suffering of Mrs. Sabharwal, Shagun's helpless mother and the vicious comments of Raman's angry mother. Shagun takes the kids away one day and while all she wants is a divorce, Raman refuses to give in, filing for custody instead, with the help of his obliging lawyer cousin who leads a perfectly peaceful family life in comparison. When Shagun realizes that the only way to secure her freedom from Raman is to give him custody of the kids, she calmly gives them away, retaining visitation rights during holidays. In the meantime, the smart Arjun starts avoiding school in order to gain his mother's attention but ends up in an all-boys, elite boarding school in Dehradun, a spot he secures due to the fact that Ashok Khanna, the new man in her mother's life is an alumnus of the prestigious institution.

Somewhere midway through the book enters Ishita, a wronged bahu of a family that sends her back to her maternal home when they find out that she is unable to conceive due to a childhood illness which was not disclosed at the time of the arranged marriage. Initially Ishita is shown as a weak woman who finally finds a purpose in her life when she begins assisting a neighbor with her school for street children. Just as you start rooting for Ishita's independent streak, a bitter Raman struggling with the full-time care of two-year old Roohi enters Ishita's life. Conveniently for the story, the senior Mrs. Kaushik and Ishita's mother are neighbors and friends, bemoaning their respective fates that has brought divorce into the lives of their precious children.

And as Shagun builds her life as the glamorous trophy-wife of a business tycoon, Raman marries Ishita, assured that she will provide the motherly love and attention that his daughter needs. As the days pass, Arjun, an occasional visitor during holidays, en route to New York, causes unhappiness to Ishita as he seeks to poison his sister's mind by reminding her of her "real Mom". And therein starts the new equation in Raman's life, as the couple make up excuse after excuse to not send Roohi to New York at the court appointed visitation times. Arjun makes the trips alone and a vengeful Shagun ensures that Arjun does not get to see Raman, tit for tat, for keeping her daughter away. Between the two women in his life, Raman is torn between doing the right thing for his children versus doing the right thing for Ishita. He ultimately pays a price for keeping the semblance of a functional family at least for Roohi, a resolution that Ishita is only too pleased with and one that Shagun has to bear, as a punishment for her choice.

The book's strength lies in the strong story line and an unsentimental approach to the telling of it. But the main characters, Shagun, Raman and Ashok seem to be one-dimensional creatures with no nuances to mark their individuality. Shagun is a beauty, Ashok is the brilliant boss and Raman is a hard-working regular guy trying to rise through the ranks through his sincerity and hard work. Ishita for while seemed interesting as she came into her own following her divorce but quickly becomes a caricature wife, this time clinging to her only hope of motherhood, as the mother to Roohi. All the women fall into typical stereotypes, the anguished Mrs. Sabharwal, an accessory to her daughter's crimes, one who loses a good son in Raman, her daughter to Ashok and the grandchildren in the battle. Shagun appears the superficial gold-digger, looking for an excitement that matches her beauty, gratifying herself even as she is aware of its consequences. Other than the physical/financial aspects, it is not quite clear what forms the basis of her attraction and subsequent marriage to Ashok. Ishita is only too happy to ditch her new-found independence as a teacher of the slum children, once Raman proposes marriage. It is as if any other aspect of a woman's personality is of no consequence once defined by marriage and motherhood, in spite of previous trauma in that department.

Perhaps Manju Kapur has honestly chronicled the lives to today's Indian woman. But it does not give much hope for the masses.

Demonstrating leadership

It is a highly debatable topic - leadership. Amazingly, the people who talk most about it are people with management backgrounds. But managing and leading are two different things. You can teach management in a classroom. Leadership you learn by experience.

In the business world, leaders are admired, the ones who lead the path to wealth-creation, are worshiped. Quite often, gaining public visibility as a leader comes at a price, one that most of us are unable to pay. The real question is if we can find ways to demonstrate leadership in our personal lives. Can we make choices that make us feel that we are forging a new way in this world, a way no one has chosen before because you are unique, gifted with an original set of attributes that makes you think a particular way?

I regularly read a blog by Pamela Slim (www.escapefromcubiclenation.com)and find her writing to be incredibly inspiring. In a previous post she wrote about how we can each make a list that demonstrates how we show leadership in our lives. Her list included items like
- Only doing projects that energize me
- Only working with people who energize me and who share similar core values
- Not working more than my body can handle
- Leaning into my market and listening for what they want
- Actively looking for fun and joy in work

I thought it was time I make my own list. Here are some initial thoughts:
I demonstrate leadership of my own life by
1. Always enjoying the work I do
2. Building a niche brand and reputation in my business
3. Ensuring I have time to appreciate life while I make a living
4. Passing on words of encouragement or wisdom to those who need or ask
5. Never being too busy for the important people in my life
6. Keeping enough "blank space" in each day for contemplation and meditation
7. Always learning

Leading indicates movement and as I grow, so will this list.

Of teaching and learning

In my first semester during my Ph.D. at the University of Maryland, I had to take a class that began at 3 p.m. and ended at 6 p.m. It was the first class I was taking and I was understandably nervous. I had to leave at 5.30 p.m. in order to catch the last bus at 5.45 p.m. I hesitantly approached the professor to ask for permission to leave early. He seemed a little surprised at my request but agreed. As the class progressed, I noticed that in the small class with a maximum of a dozen students, people would walk in and out as they pleased. The professor kept teaching unmindful of the distractions. I wondered how such a casual approach to education was tolerated.

It was only months later that I realized that in America it was the students' responsibility to avail themselves of the wonderful education that the system provided. It was not the burden of the teachers or parents. Come to think of it, the teachers already knew the stuff - if you as a student wanted to learn, you had to first take responsibility for your time, show up in class, pay attention. If you chose to do otherwise, it was your loss. If you did well, it was to your credit and if you did poorly or dropped out, it was again a conscious choice.

I teach students in India now, post-graduate students. Most of them show up in class because their parents have paid the tuition and the institution demands a minimum attendance. Only a handful come because they think of it as an investment in their future. I can't make them "want" to learn. But I make sure I tell them this story. I also tell them that in my assignments, they are welcome to copy but it is a risk they are taking. A shortcut for now but a handicap for a lifetime. If they do not learn how to do their work by themselves and for themselves, they will forever expect someone to bail them out, first parents, then peers. But life does not stay the same and the smart students will indeed do better and rise higher and will definitely not want to bail out the ones looking for a shortcut.

I learnt when I was a student, and I continue to learn as I teach. I consider myself truly blessed.