Receiving graciously

I grew up in a generation where parents thought that praising children, especially in public, was not advisable from two points of view. Foremost was the fear that it would inflate little egos to unmanageable sizes. Second, such a public disclosure would probably attract the evil eye, leading to unfortunate consequences. So most accomplishments were either quietly acknowledged at home or discreetly ignored. Perhaps it is this upbringing that makes it hard for me to receive compliments even now.

At an assertiveness training seminar that I attended many years ago, the trainer pointed out to all of us women in the room that if someone says “That dress looks good on you”, the typical response is “Oh, this old thing.” The right response is “Thank you” with a smile. I do not remember the connection this statement had with the assertiveness theme but it did bring to mind the hesitation most of us, usually women, have in accepting compliments. Nothing builds confidence like praise. And praise, when deserved and given freely, is what each one of us needs to move forward.

It is nice to receive praise but it is also easy to get swayed. Sometime people will tell you what you want to hear, either because they feel it is a quick way to win favors, or just to cheer you up. While praise given in public may make you look good to others, if you did not deserve it, you will not look good to yourself. While the well known proverb may say that you can fool some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time but not all people all the time, fooling yourself even for a short time is extremely dangerous to your self-esteem.

I think being honest in appraising your capabilities and striving to improve in those areas that need attention is its own reward. If praise follows, enjoy it. But don’t accept it if you have not met your own goal. Setting a personal standard of performance much higher than public expectation is always a good policy. The best outcome is when you know you have exceeded your own expectation and so do your customers. And when the well-deserved compliments flow freely, smile and say “Thank you.”